Are you a Zionist?

Let's find out

Zionism.

Just the word itself can clear a room faster than a fire alarm, or start a debate livelier than a family dinner after too much Manischewitz. But what if I told you that Zionism isn't just one thing, a rigid, unyielding block of political steel? What if I told you it's actually a glorious, sprawling, often utterly baffling tapestry woven from threads of idealism, desperation, kvetching, and an almost pathological inability to agree on anything, even among ourselves? From the guy who thinks Zionism means strictly vegan kibbutzim to the one who believes it involves training pigeons for aerial surveillance, the diversity is breathtaking.

So, buckle up, my friends. It’s been a tough few weeks and I’m feeling sarcastic. We are about to dive headfirst into the bewildering, heartwarming, and downright head-scratching world of Zionism, as seen through its many, many, many different manifestations. The below is a mix of real types of Zionism (it’s always good to learn), with a few I’ve…discovered. Prepare to have your preconceived notions shattered and maybe, just maybe, discover a strain of Zionism you never knew existed, one that perfectly encapsulates your own unique blend of hope, neuroses, and questionable fashion choices. So, are you a Zionist? Let's find out!

In alphabetical order:

Aliya-by-proxy Zionism: Those Diaspora Jews who encourage others to make aliya but have no intention of doing so themselves. Their support of Israel is real, but from abroad.

American/Canadian Zionism: Reflects the unique perspectives of American Jews, focusing on supporting Israel while promoting the values of pluralism and democracy. It emphasizes the partnership between the Jewish Diaspora and Israel, prioritizing, often, financial and political support.

Arab Zionism: In the wake of the historic Abraham Accords, in which UAE, Bahrain, Morocco, and other Muslim/Arab States normalized relations with Israel, this is a form of Zionism in which Arab nations - whether driven by geopolitics, a mutual fear of/dislike for Iran, or anything else - have opted to buck the trend of prior generations, and normalize relations with the region’s only Jewish State.

Aroma/Landwer Zionism: Adherents express their love and support for Israel by frequenting one of Israel’s famous coffee shops, enjoying a vegan shawarma, shakshuka, and/or a coffee served with a small chocolate.

Backpack Zionism: Zionism as experienced through the eyes of either post-army Israelis backpacking through South America or Southeast Asia, or the Diaspora Jews who encounter those same Israelis abroad, and get very excited to party in Hebrew at the Halfmoon Party in Thailand, or a massive Chabad Passover Seder in Nepal.

Bamba Zionism: A form of Zionism for younger adherents, who are solely fueled by Israel’s national, and iconic, peanut snack, Bamba. Ensuring that Israeli babies grow up immune to peanut allergies is a sure-fire way to create strong future soldiers.

Beach Zionism: Adherents see Israel as a great place to go for a beach vacation, to spend time in Tel Aviv or Eilat, and their Zionism revolves around enjoying cocktails, watermelon and Bulgarian cheese, and matkot, on the beach, rather than pursuing strictly ideological pursuits.

Binational Zionism: Once supported by figures like Judah Magnes, it envisioned a shared Jewish and Arab State in Palestine. This form sought coexistence through a binational political framework, rather than solely a Jewish one.

Birthright Zionism: Zionism powered by free trips to Israel for young Jews, featuring camel rides, Dead Sea selfies, and a crush slash hookup slash long-distance relationship slash marriage to your tour guide or accompanying IDF soldier. Ten days of magic followed by a lifetime of nostalgic IG posts.

Christian Zionism: A Christian theological perspective that supports the return of the Jewish people to the Land of Israel as a fulfillment of biblical prophecy. Often linked to the Evangelical American movement, it views the establishment of Israel as part of the Christian God’s divine plan.

Civic Zionism: A contemporary approach emphasizing the importance of a civic identity for all citizens of Israel, regardless of ethnicity or religion. It promotes equal rights and integration for minorities within the framework of a Jewish State.

Couch Zionism: A term for individuals who strongly support Israel and Zionist goals from the comfort of their own living rooms. These Zionists are passionate about the cause, but limit their activism to online debate, social media posts, and frankly need to get out a little.

Cultural Zionism: Promoted primarily by Ahad Ha’am (Asher Ginzburg), cultural Zionism prioritized the revival of Jewish culture, language, and spirituality in Eretz Yisrael. It sought to create not necessarily a sovereign state, but a cultural and intellectual renaissance, as the foundation of a Jewish homeland.

Cultural-Humanist Zionism: Proposes the creation of a Jewish state as a centre of global cultural and humanistic development. It envisions Israel as a beacon of artistic, intellectual, and ethical leadership on the world stage.

Diaspora Zionism: This form emphasizes the cultural, spiritual, and political connection between the Jewish Diaspora and Israel without necessarily advocating for all Jews to immigrate to Israel. It supports Israel as a central hub for Jewish identity, and solidarity, while preserving Jewish life abroad.

Emergency Zionism: Adherents are typically pretty quiet about Israel, until Israel begins an operation in Gaza, or a wide-scale regional war breaks out, at which time the emergency Zionists jump into action, changing their profile picture to an Israeli flag, and engaging with trolls online who use, but don’t quite understand, the words colonialism, genocide, or Apartheid. When the emergency is over, these adherents go dark again, until the next (inevitable) flareup.

Emoji Zionism: Zionism expressed exclusively through flag, heart, and prayer emojis online. Activism with a double-tap.

Environmental Zionism: Focuses on integrating ecological and environmental sustainability into the development of the Jewish state. It ties the idea of returning to the land with stewardship of the environment, promoting sustainable agriculture and renewable energy in Israel. The Arava Institute for Environmental Studies in the Negev Desert is a proponent of environmental Zionism.

Ethical Zionism: Aims to integrate ethical principles, such as justice, equality, and peace, into a political and social policy for the Jewish State. It often critiques mainstream Zionism for failing to live up to its moral aspirations, subjective as those are.

Falafel Zionism: A term to describe those who express their Zionism through their love of Israeli food, especially falafel, humus, and shawarma. These people may not engage deeply with political or cultural Zionism but have a strong culinary connection to the Jewish State.

Feminist Zionism: Seeking to integrate gender equality within the Zionist movement, and the Jewish State. It advocates for women’s rights, representation, and inclusion in the development and leadership of Israel.

Follicular Zionism: I only know one follicular Zionist, my friend David Matlow from Toronto, who travels to Jerusalem each time he needs a haircut (by Shmulik Mizrahi in Emek Refaim).

High-Holiday Zionism: Zionism that peaks around Rosh Hashana and Passover, when supporting Israel conveniently overlaps with eating festive meals. It is always helpful when the Rabbi stands up and asks his congregation to invest in Israel Bonds.

Integral Zionism: advocated by Jacob Klatzkin, this emphasized the complete separation of Jewish identity from religion, focusing on nationhood and territorial identity. It views Zionism as a movement to normalize Jews as a nation like any other, independent of theological considerations.

Labor Zionism: Focused on AD Gordon’s ideology of building a Jewish homeland through collective labour and the establishment of socialist/collective communities like kibbutzim. It combined Zionist goals with socialist ideas, emphasizing self-reliance and the creation of a just society.

Liberal Zionism: Emphasizes the establishment and maintenance of a Jewish state while upholding liberal democratic values like equality, justice, and human rights for all citizens. It supports coexistence and peace between Jews and non-Jews in Israel.

Messianic Zionism: Views the establishment of the Jewish State as a prelude to the arrival of the Messiah and ultimate redemption. Often deeply religious, this form of Zionism emphasizes the divine significance of Zionist achievements.

Military Chic Zionism: Adherents either wear khaki pants, sunglasses and a soldier’s swagger, or alternatively, sport a green IDF hoodie when they grab brunch on a Sunday morning.

Minimalist Zionism: Focuses on ensuring the survival and security of the Jewish people without necessarily emphasizing ideological or territorial goals. It prioritizes pragmatism, often advocating for peace agreements and compromise to secure the state’s future.

Nationalist Zionism: More extreme or right wing as an interpretation of Zionism, emphasizing Jewish nationalism and territorial expansion. This is often associated with prioritizing Jewish sovereignty over democratic or multicultural considerations.

Neo-Zionism: A post-1967 ideology that emphasizes the importance of the Biblical heartland of Israel (Judea and Samaria, or the West Bank), and the integration of religious and nationalistic ideals. Neo-Zionists often advocate for expanding Israeli sovereignty to these areas and view the state as a vehicle for fulfilling divine prophecy.

Netflix Zionism: Inspired by those who claim to understand Israel or Zionism after binge-watching Israeli TV shows like Fauda, Bros, The Beauty Queen of Jerusalem, or Shtisl. Adherents often base their entire perspective on what they’ve seen on screen.

Political Zionism: Advocated by Theodor Herzl, political Zionism emphasized the establishment of a Jewish state through diplomatic and political efforts. It sought international recognition and support for the Jewish people’s right to self-determination in their ancestral homeland.

Post-secular Zionism: combines secular and religious elements, seeking to redefine Jewish identity and statehood beyond strict divisions between religious and secular life. It often explores the spiritual and ethical aspects of Zionism in modern society.

Practical Zionism: This was a blanket term used to emphasize immediate settlement and the development of the Land of Israel through agriculture, infrastructure, and immigration, often without waiting for political or international agreements. It was action-oriented, focusing on creating a physical presence in the land, typified by the actions of the early Hovevei Zion.

Radical Zionism: Often associated with small, activist groups, seeking to achieve Zionist goals through direct action, protests, or other forms of radical engagement. It often challenges more mainstream Zionist policies for being too conservative or compromising.

Reform/Progressive Zionism: Rooted in Reform Judaism, this form focuses on blending Jewish tradition with modern values like pluralism, social justice, and inclusivity. It supports a Jewish state that reflects the diverse and evolving identities of the Jewish people.

Religious Zionism: Merging Jewish religious beliefs with Zionist ideology, religious Zionism views the return of the Land of Israel to the Jews as part of a divine plan. The original advocates saw the establishment of a Jewish State as a step towards redemption and the returning of the Messiah.

Revisionist Zionism: Founded by Jabotinsky, this movement called for a more proactive and in some respects, militant, approach to establishing a Jewish state on both sides of the Jordan River. It emphasized the need for a strong Jewish military and rejected compromise on territorial goals.

Revolutionary Zionism: Aimed at radically transforming Jewish society and the broader political order to achieve Jewish liberation. This ideology often calls for activism and resistance against oppressive regimes to secure Jewish autonomy.

Sabich Zionism: For those who believe that the sabich sandwich is Israel’s greatest cultural achievement. There is a rumour that the word sabich is a Hebrew acronym from the words for the ingredients: salat (salad), beitza (egg), and yoter chatzil (more eggplant).

Social Zionism: Rooted in the ideas of writers like Nachman Syrkin, it advocates for social justice and economic equality within the framework of a Jewish state. It aligns with socialist ideas, promoting a welfare state, and collective ownership.

Spiritual-but-not-Religious Zionism: Adherents don’t necessarily believe in organized religion, but love Israel’s vibes. They are on a journey, right after yoga finishes on the beach or the sunrise in the Judean Hills.

Spiritual-I-mean-the-alcohol Zionism: Adherents express their love for Israel by enjoying the drinks that Israel offers, including fine wines from the Galilee Region, Goldstar and Maccabee beer, Arak, and Israel’s newest export, whiskey from the Milk and Honey Distillery.

Synthetic Zionism: Proposed by Chaim Weizmann (a synthetic chemist), this was an approach that combined political Zionism and practical Zionism. It advocated for simultaneous efforts in diplomatic negotiations and practical settlement activities to achieve the Zionist goal.

Territorialist Zionism: Advocated for the establishment of a Jewish homeland not necessarily in the Land of Israel, but anywhere that could provide safety and sovereignty for the Jews. It was obviously far more prominent before the State of Israel was established, with places like Uganda, Argentina, Guyana, Madagascar, the Sinai, and even Australia, under consideration.

Waze Zionism: Those who equate Zionism exclusively and primarily with Israel’s booming tech sector, focusing on unicorn companies and innovations, peppering their conversation with talk of Waze, Wix, and Dan Senor’s infamous book, Startup Nation.

WhatsApp Zionism: For people who support Israel by being a part of far too many WhatsApp groups about it.

Got a different type in mind? Let me know in the comments below!

Shabbat shalom, Am Yisrael Chai, and let’s bring home every last hostage.