Sarah and Tali,
This weekend, we (along with your equally important brother) will celebrate Purim.
In doing so, we will dress up in costumes and eat too many hamantaschen. You will have a party at school, will visit several shuls over the weekend, and you will give and receive mishloach manot.
Importantly, we will hear Megillat Esther.
As you’ve been learning in school, Megillat Esther tells the story of Purim. It describes how a brave young woman, Esther, was chosen to be the wife of King Achashverosh. Together with her uncle Mordechai, Esther thwarts the plans of the evil Haman to destroy the Persian Jewish community. With bravery and fortitude, Esther saved the Jewish people, ensuring that Haman’s legacy would forever go down in Jewish history as yet another failed attempt to rid the world of its Jews.
You’re both too young right now to appreciate how timely the Purim story is this year, which is part of the reason I’m writing this today. One day you’ll learn that you, your parents, and your grandparents bore direct witness to yet another attempt by a modern-day Haman to destroy our people. Six months ago, we were reminded that tragically, our enemies never disappear.
Purim can be viewed by some as an annual reminder of the burden of being Jewish. As you will learn - likely sooner than I had hoped - in each generation, someone rises up who will try to destroy us. These people think the world would be better without us. But Purim is also a regular reminder that we aren’t going anywhere. That our foes will not and cannot eliminate us, nor can they keep us down. Each time we get back up, we continue to be a force of good in the world. This is just who we are.
Purim 2024
And so, this year is a particularly meaningful Purim.
As you’ve no doubt heard, there is a war being fought in Israel. It has been a necessary response to something truly horrible that happened six months ago. Those events shocked us, and made us sadder than we have ever felt before. But since wiping away our tears, we have learned so much about our abilities and our resilience.
Ironically, those who rise up in each generation to target the Jews have poor memories. They only seem to remember their ancestors rising up. They never seem to remember them falling down and losing, being defeated by either our strength or determination. In each generation the Jewish people refuse to live or die by what others want. We write our own story. We pen our own megillot.
Sadly, but inevitably, the war overseas quickly found its way here. Your mother and I try our best to keep you safe. Your school does its best to keep you distracted. But sometimes, the noise sneaks through. You hear us talking about it at home, or your teachers whispering about it at school. You’ve noticed new yellow ribbons on our coats or our new dog tag necklaces with Hebrew writing on them that we wear each day. You’ve asked what they say, and we’ve told you it says that we will win. You seem satisfied with that answer. Ancient hatred and conspiracy theories linger. Antisemitism is a word you will learn far too young, and it is a burden that you, like every generation before, will have to shoulder.
But, by bringing you into this world, and endeavouring to raise you as proud Jews, we have undertaken to prepare you for what you will face in the years to come. We have vowed to make you in the image of Esther, and other powerful Jewish women.
Having daughters
I am writing to you, my daughters, because the victory in the story of Purim would not have been achieved without the acts of a powerful woman. Next month, I’m certain there’s a Pesach story I can share with your brother…
Sarah, when you were born, I became not only a dad, but a girl-dad. I grew up in a family of boys, and suddenly needed to think about what life would be like with a daughter. Yes, your brother came along next and brought some equilibrium to the house, but when your sister was born, the boys were suddenly outnumbered. Like the West Wing’s President Bartlet, I became Abu el-Banat, the father of daughters. With that comes responsibility and the need to adapt. I have grown accustomed to a life with princess TV shows, gymnastics practices, Taylor Swift’s world domination (and her domination of my CRV’s sound system), and mastering how to braid hair. But I’ve also had to think about the hard things. Specifically, how difficult it will be for you to navigate the world as women, particularly Jewish women.
Now, it’s a holiday, so I don’t intend to focus on the hardships. Instead, I’ll try to impart some lessons on how to be strong. How to view obstacles as opportunities, and how to exhibit courage, or empathy, when it is called for. How to tackle those things that are in your control, and confidently navigate those things that are not. How to be a leader, when to be a follower, and how to be proud.
From whom to learn
Thankfully, I don’t have to do this from scratch. There are plenty of remarkable women out there, and Purim is the best holiday to shine light on them. As well, recent events have shown how magnificent Jewish women truly are. And so, these are my holiday wishes for you:
I wish for you to have the voice of QUEEN ESTHER. In the Purim story, Esther realized that her voice could save the Jewish people, threatened by Haman. This awareness gave her the strength to approach her husband the King, even knowing that such an ask could put her at risk. She sought a meeting and strove for equality, trying to put herself on the same level as Achashverosh. She was not just the King’s wife - she was the Queen. She ensured he knew that her request to save her people would equally impact their own relationship. She said, “Let my life be granted me as my wish, and my people as my request. For we have been sold, my people and I, to be destroyed, massacred, and exterminated.”
In Shushan, Esther saved the Jewish people by developing a strong voice, which led to her exhibiting a positive self-identity and identification with something larger than herself: her people. Her actions were nothing short of miraculous, and is the reason why so many girls this weekend will dress up as Esther.
I wish for you to have the courage of RIMON KIRSHT. Rimon (36) and her husband Yagev were kidnapped by Hamas on 10/7. 53 days later, Rimon was released in a hostage deal. When she was told by her captors that she was going home, Rimon gave them an ultimatum: either I leave with my husband, or I stay here and no one goes. Told that her husband would not be released, and threatened with being dragged away, Rimon ultimately complied. But, she did not walk away before shooting her captors a death-stare felt around the world. Walking towards the Israelis, head held high, Rimon showed that no terrorist could scare her.
I wish for you the endurance of RACHEL GOLDBERG POLIN. On 10/7, Rachel’s son Hersh was also taken hostage. He is still held in Gaza, condition unknown. In the almost six months since his capture, Rachel has been relentlessly advocating for his release. Emerging as one of the most prominent faces of the hostage crisis, Rachel has flown around the world desperately seeking the release of all the hostages. In doing so, she has never stopped hoping her son will return. With head held high as a proud Jewish mother, Rachel has been on the cover of Time Magazine, has met with Elon Musk and the Pope, and has been interviewed countless times. In every appearance, though no one would blame her for breaking down and screaming in anguish, she is dignified and confident. She has endured an unimaginable role.
I wish for you to have the bravery of LT.-COL. OR BEN-YEHUDA, of the IDF’s Caracal Battalion. Not only does Ben-Yehuda command a mixed-gender combat unit, but on 10/7 she took a squadron of female troops from the unit to fight terrorists infiltrating the Gaza Envelope. By the end of the day, her unit eliminated around 100 terrorists. She proved that there should be no doubt about the capabilities of female soldiers in battle. “Their training and performance on the battlefield have erased any doubts. They fought bravely, saved lives, and emerged as heroes,” she said.
Lest you think we are all just brave victims, I also wish for you to have the knowledge and confidence of my friend NATASHA HAUSDORF. Natasha is the director of UK Lawyers for Israel. Over the last six months, she has appeared countless times on British TV, always coming out swinging on behalf of Israel. While our opponents fight with lies, half-truths, and completely made up data, Natasha always comes prepared. Speaking clearly, authoritatively, and politely, she wields her knowledge to win debates and lay bare not only the depravity of those who support Hamas, but their utter hypocrisy.
I wish for you the coolheadedness of my good friend MELISSA LANTSMAN. As the Conservative Member of Parliament for Thornhill, Melissa rises day after day in the House of Commons to give a voice to our community. It is never easy being in the opposition, but Melissa has made a name for herself not just in our small community, but throughout Canada as a deputy leader of the official opposition, and of someone who will always seek to hold our government accountable. Each time she speaks, whether on the Hill or not, she is polished and prepared.
I wish for you the convictions of NOA TISHBY. Coming from a family that has dedicated their lives to the well-being of Israel over the last 76 years, Noa has been relentless in her efforts to spread the truth about Israel’s history and its moral righteousness. She is unafraid to speak out when she thinks it is right to do so, and in any forum in Israel or abroad, she is ready to speak her mind. She wastes no time with polite formalities (she is Israeli after all), and will dive head first into a debate or interview when she sees an opportunity to defend or advocate for the Jewish State.
I wish for you the stubbornness of DEBRA MESSING and MAYIM BIALIK. Even though you’d think that liberal Hollywood would be a comfortable place for Jews and Zionists to stand up proudly, we sadly see very few Jewish celebrities speaking out boldly in support of their people. Debra and Mayim however have been unapologetic for their Zionism, and for their mission to fight antisemitism. They put other Jewish celebrities, those who refuse to use their platforms lest they be criticized, to shame.
I wish for you the tenacity of BARI WEISS. Bari is an unstoppable force, dedicated to the truth, and spreading bold ideas. She wears her Judaism and Zionism proudly, she speaks up for those who need a voice, and she challenges those who need challenging. When she speaks, people listen, and should you grow up to be opinionated writers, well, I won’t have any problems with that.
I also wish you the optimism that some Jewish university students feel, like EDEN YADEGAR. Eden is an undergraduate student at Columbia University, who recently testified before the US Congress about campus antisemitism. She is the President of Students Supporting Israel (SSI) on campus. Rather than feeling utterly dejected by the situation on campus (and honestly, who could blame her if she did), Eden recently said that she feels hopeful that her voice, and the voices of others who testified, will lead to changes either implemented through legislation, or campus policies. She said that, “I’m hopeful that the American people will really listen and leave their preconceived notions about us and our identity at the door, and listen to what our lived experiences have been.” I hope for the same.
Be you
Finally, I wish you the heart, love, and dedication of your mother, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers, for whom you are named. Your exceptional mother, in particular, will pour her soul into raising you, and I expect you to emulate all of her exceptional qualities (including, of course, her taste in men). These women in your life have the right mix of the qualities listed above (including, importantly, chutzpah) and will forever guide you on your path forward.
It didn’t take me becoming your Aba to realize how hard it is to be a girl in this world - that has always been obvious. But becoming a father to you two girls changed my understanding of what has gone into creating every strong Jewish woman - every eshet chayil - we see making our people better on a daily basis.
Every Purim, we celebrate strong Jewish women. This Purim, we celebrate their ability to make a lasting impact and to bring comfort, strength, resilience, and peace to our people.
Chag sameach,
Love,
Aba
Beautifully written. Chag Purim Sameach.
A beautiful letter. ❤️